Bring out the Hellman's Craven Proof Garlic Aioli, and Bring Out the... Best?

"Bring Out The Hellmann's, and Bring Out the Best." You've undoubtedly heard the jingle for the mayonnaise many times through the years (unless you live west of the Rockies where it's "Bring Out the Best Foods..." because the mayonnaise goes by a different brand name out west). You can put Hellmann's mayonnaise in or on practically anything and it will taste better. Slather it on your sandwiches - turkey, chicken, bacon, roast beef, etc. You can't make tuna salad or egg salad without it. Potato salad? Of course. It is essential to your coleslaw. Many of your dressings, dips and spreads use it. It's the main ingredient in tartar sauce. Many people put mayonnaise on tofu, though I would prefer the tofu-mayonnaise combo without the tofu. But for all it's many uses, here's one you probably haven't tried. Who would put mayonnaise on books? The answer - the people at Hellmann's. Are there no limits to the concoctions people can devise to sell their products? Evidently not for the people at Hellmann's.

Hellmann's makes a product called Garlic Aioli. Aioli is similar to mayonnaise and may be made with it. They would probably call it garlic mayonnaise if "aioli" weren't a classier sounding name. You can put it on lots of things, but seriously, you shouldn't put it on your books. Now you don't have to. Hellmann's will do it for you. This is not to say they will special print any book you want and infuse it with garlic aioli, nor that they have a wide range of books so produced. It is just one title, Jennifer L. Armentrout's The Primal of Blood and Bone. There is a reason they selected this one.

The Primal of Blood and Bone is a fantasy (I hope). It deals with cravens, with features similar to vampires, that is, they drink human blood. At least that's what I think they do. I'm not not tuned in to this sort of book. I like nonfiction. While this may not be true of all cravens, the ones in Armentrout's books are repelled by garlic. In this way they are similar to humans if you eat too much garlic. What all this means is if you infuse your books with garlic aoili, it should keep the cravens away. I think this is true. If you keep a copy of this book in your house, you are almost certainly not going to be invaded by cravens. It's possible you won't be anyway, but it does make good sense to take every precaution. The downside is too great to take a risk. Publisher Blue Box Press undoubtedly recommends taking this precaution.